In the past week or so, I’ve had a series of three really strange dreams. I dream that I’m a student taking calculus. In the first dream, I received my text book and we learned the first lesson.
In the second dream a couple nights later, I arrived in class and realized that I hadn’t done the homework. I tried to explain, “I’m a religion student! I don’t do homework! I read!” I woke up from the dream in a panic and had to remind myself that I really wasn’t taking calculus.
In the third dream, I’m at home getting ready to go to class, and I’m kicking myself for not doing the homework again! I decide to get to class early and complete it, but I go outside and realize that it’s snowing and I’ll have to use my spare time cleaning my car off. Once again, I woke up in a panic.
What I find incredibly bizarre about these dreams is that this is the first time that I’ve had multiple dreams that build off one another in chronological sequence. I distinctly remember being on lesson 1 in the first dream, then lesson two in the second, and lesson three in the third.
So, I’m trying to figure out what these dreams mean, and I’ve come up with a few possibilities:
1.) I miss school already. I graduated about 2 weeks ago, and my life as a student is over. Maybe I’m in denial and, as stressful as it is at times, I still want to be a student.
2.) I’m anxious. Going into church planting doesn’t exactly offer much job security, and there’s no guarantee things will go as expected. This has been on my mind a lot over the past few months, so maybe these dreams about panicking over unfinished homework are subconscious expressions of my anxiety.
3.) I feel inadequate. This may be a combination of 1 and 2. I’m through with being a student (at least for the time being) and now I’m entering into a form of ministry that, frankly, seminary doesn’t entirely prepare you for.
4.) I miss calculus. I kicked butt when I took calculus my senior year of high school; I scored nearly perfect on every exam…. and then I pursued ministry. Maybe these dreams are me longing to go back to what’s comfortable.
Well, it’s getting late. Maybe tonight will be lesson four…